In addition to verbal cues, she also highly recommends that people be on the lookout for non-verbal cues too, as these can be vital to gauge the comfort levels of someone. “Be clear of the line between playful nudging and coercion. Never cross the line into coercion-even in dirty talk — do not confuse that with coercion or sexual power play that is clearly asked for and consented as a part of the dirty talk scene,” Hauser states. Dirty talk is any form of sexually charged or explicit speech that is intended to arouse and seduce someone. Within research it is also known as “erotic talk” or “sex talk” and it covers all communications that happen exclusively during sex and about sex.
If you’re talking honestly, openly, and graphically about what you want to get out of every sexual experience, how can it not lead to better sex? With communication and all this dirty talk, there are no secrets — and neither you nor your partner is forced to try to figure out what that moan or facial expression really means. So, maybe your version of talking dirty right now is letting your partner know that you’re about to come.
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There’s also the challenge of overcoming how you view words in the real world and how your view them in the bedroom. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin’s column for Bustle on talking dirty explains, it’s totally OK to be turned by words like “slut,” even though you may find them offensive outside the bedroom. You’re taking control of the word and using it on your terms, and that can be challenging for some women. But sometimes, a challenge helps you define what you’re comfortable with — on your own terms.
If you’re thinking, «The way your hair curls at the nape of your neck is really cute,» say it. If you’re thinking, «Nobody’s ever done that to me before, and I love it,» say it. If you’re thinking, «Right now I couldn’t be happier,» say that, too. Once you’re naked and using your mouths, hands, or genitals to play with each other, supercharge the dynamic with some of these lines. Great, passionate sex is about transmuting and expressing our shadow sides.
“Trust is one of the most important elements to any successful relationship, and believe it or not, dirty talk can foster better trust,” he says. God created us this way, and as long as we are suppressed sexually, we aren’t living our full identity. The devil has done a great job at claiming sex and sexuality as his own, and it’s your responsibility to take yours back from him. You can start by embracing yourself as a sensual, sexual being, and taking tangible action towards that. Brotherson explains that auditory arousal is actually an important part of foreplay, particularly for people who aren’t really visually stimulated. So, let’s get into how auditory arousal can work for you instead of against you.
Test the waters.If you aren’t sure that your partner will be into dirty talk, try it once or twice casually during sex to see what their response is—you might be surprised. You can also ease into it by writing them suggestive text messages or dirty love notes that you can slip into their pocket or bag for them to discover later on. If you get a positive response, you can take things up a notch and extend the dirty talk to the bedroom. Bear in mind that everybody responds differently to language, and so while a word might be a real turn-on for one person, it could be jarring for another. Take note of how your partner responds to what you’re saying and use that to guide what else you say. It’s all about the delivery.One of the secrets to great dirty talk isn’t just what you say, but how you say it.
You should, of course, also be asking what your partner wants, but there’s little hotter than a guy who’s not embarrassed to ask for what he wants in bed. The intersection of dirty talk and technology is such a huge topic that I literally wrote a whole book about it. One of the biggest themes I wanted to emphasize with that project was that every technological innovation is a tool for belonging. All we have to do is stay grounded in the needs that make us human.
“Moans are great, followed by things like, ‘Yesssss… and ‘right there,’ or ‘lower! ’ Drake says what works best here is to use phrases and terminology that are part of your normal vocabulary—just emphasize their sexiness. Since both sex professionals caution against using canned lines you’ve lifted from the script of «Naked Came the Stranger,» Morgan advocates for brainstorming your own spicy catchphrases. That way, you don’t have to think on your feet when you’re busy being in the throes of passion.
«Similar areas of the brain are touched upon during dirty talk as when we curse. So, very often as your brain sees it, the dirtier the better.» Also, remember to not get in your head about it too much! It’s moments like these and the ways that we resolve issues that build trust and openness in a relationship. “It’s also so helpful to always have a chat after sex because we are not mind readers!
However, don’t expect that all forms of dirty talk should feel natural. Rather than trying to channel your inner porn star, use phrases that will feel good to you (and your partner). But before you start dropping lines from the last porn clip you watched and hoping for the best, there are some steps you should take that will help things go smoothly and make dirty talk hotter for both of you.